Tuesday, November 02, 2004


I was so angry, distressed, confused last Sunday. I've never felt so bad in one day.I've made very drastic decisions lately because circumstances demand that I dissociate myself immediately from these things before I get pulled down, as well.

I'm okay now. I've just realized my capacity to get a grip, get away from the bad and the sad, and move on.

I am calm. I want to be a new person. Like the sunflower, I face towards the sun and pray for a better day.

"For verses are not as people imagine, simply feelings...they are experiences. For the sake of a single verse, one must see many cities, men and things, one must know the animals, one must feel how the birds fly and know the gesture with which little flowers open in the morning."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

1 comment:

-=@ngel in disguise=- said...

It’s so hard for me to move on…good thing you did!

I need a breather, I want to reclaim my happiness. Two long years of bereavement and still, I haven’t move through the painful aftermath of a loss loved one. “I’m ok!” was my automatic answer every time I am asked by my family and friends about the death of Bernard, but the truth is…I’m not! I am still in the stage of loss and grief, I’ve been in denial for a long time…why is it so hard for me to accept everything? I work hard, trying to channel feelings of loss into accomplishment.
There are times that sleep won’t come, can’t explain how sadness and anger creeps in the odd hours of the day and night. I’m traveling a lonely road to recovery, mom and friends has always been very supportive, I feel safe and comfortable when hugged…it’s like a therapy as well as crying.

Ahhhhh…my life doesn’t end with His death.

I’m ok! (emote…emote…emote)

*How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans, know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within, if only we would listen to it, that tells us so certainly when to go forth into the unknown.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross